Confirmation

The past six months have been an absolute whirlwind; I have been finishing up the last few courses I needed to complete my Bachelor's degree (complete at the end of this month), Jeff was on a two and a half month TDY (temporary deployment), I participated in a weekend long craft show, spent lots of time with family, and Hudson, who is now 13 months old, has had a birthday party, started walking, and is now enrolled in both My Gym and Swim Lessons. Needless to day, we have been a very, very busy family, hence the lack of posts!

As I mentioned, I am now wrapping up my last course before my degree in English is complete. I am so ecstatic to have finally reached the goal I thought I would never be able to obtain. It seemed so far out, and so many obstacles seemed to hinder ever reaching the light at the end of the tunnel, but here we are! In fact, my cap, gown, tassel, and graduation announcements arrived in the mail last week which really made all this feel real. As this course becomes closer and closer to completion, Jeff and I have begun the, "Now what?" discussion. Do I go to work? Do I stay home? This is an answer that may come easy for some, but for me, I have literally been sick over it.

Well, on my knees I went, and have been. Daily. Some days, going back to work seems incredible. I look around my home and realize, I'm not a very good housekeeper anyway. As a matter of fact, there is a pile of dishes in my sink at this very moment. There is also laundry to be done, and my floors are sticky. Just yesterday, I would have enrolled Hudson in daycare immediately if I had a job to go to as he threw himself on the floor of Target having a fit while I tried to shop for toilet paper, and then at home, allowing me zero moments of rest because he refused a nap. There are days I long for "adult" conversations. To arrive at the office, dressed nicely, where I can sip my coffee (while still HOT), and not have to clean the spilled milk off the floor or change a diaper, or have anyone attached to my boob or grabbing my leg 24/7. Yes. That life DOES appeal to me. SOME TIMES.

The fact is, God has called me to be at home, and that is something I realized. Literally, TODAY. Sure my floors are sticky, I suck at folding towels, we eat out at least once a week, and my husband comes home some days to a living room piled to the ceiling with every single toy Hudson has because I gave up trying to keep putting them away. But the fact is, my son is happy. My husband is happy. I am happy. I get to serve my family in a way many do not. I truly believe one must be called to do this. Homemaking is something that is NOT for everyone. I truly did not for one moment think it would be for me. I am definitely not the perfect housewife. I am not good at keeping house, meal planning, or keeping a strict schedule. However, I know this is where God has placed me. I struggled for so long with the idea of "wasting" my hard work and degree by "just staying home". But after a nice walk with a friend this morning, I realized that it is far from a waste. I finished what I started. I worked hard to accomplish a goal. How wonderful that I get to instill that same thing into my children. Being called to serve as a homemaker not only satisfies my family, it satisfies God's plans for me. As a mother, as a wife, and as His daughter. I have spent days and hours crying out, asking for God to please help me with what I should do. His answer: my place is in the home. There is no need for me to work. We don't need more money. We don't need another car. What we need is for me to be home, to take care of things here. To raise my son and future child/children up knowing the Lord and to continue to serve in this way.

Perhaps someday I will return to the business world. And if that is in the plan, I am not opposed to it. But for now, I have received confirmation that I am to serve here, and I am happy to do so. I do realize this is NOT the ideal lifestyle for everyone, but it is the right choice for my family and myself at this moment, and I am happy to do so, regardless of the 'sacrifices' I may be giving up.

Bless you,
Kaila